The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
