ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
false alarm, still single
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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