i just had sex bonerless
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My vagina is officially offended.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
