I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
