Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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