yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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