He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
