if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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