Where is the hickey?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
