Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
