**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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