btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
