meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
