its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
