Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
