i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
