i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
