i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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