Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
