I wish I could punch you in the face.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
