my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
