The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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