I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
