first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
