It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
