Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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