Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
