fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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