I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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