Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
