hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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