Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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