Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
