My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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