how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
