I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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