...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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