He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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