I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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