You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
