Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
