I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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