k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
