Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
