then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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