I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
