I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
