official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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