I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
