fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
