oh god the rape fog is back!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
