Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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