people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize